This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for the women.
This is not a let’s trash men treatise. Let’s be clear, just because I’m thankful for women does not mean I’m not thankful for men, (and the fact that I feel a need to say this is bananas by the way). I love the men in my life. But this year I’m shouting out to the women.
To all of them.
We are kind and competitive, fierce and compassionate, confident and apologetic, brave and timid, incomparable and forever comparing, funny and funnier, brilliant and brilliant-er. We are magnificent in our complexities with so many facets that we cannot help but shine.
And yet…
And yet.
We must forever prove ourselves worthy of the space we take up. While, for the most part, for our counterparts, competence and excellence are assumed (I’m not saying you don't have it hard sometimes gentlemen, again bananas that I feel the need to include this qualifier), we truly do have to dance backwards in high heels.
I’m an improviser, have been for 35 years. I’m pretty good at it too. I’m not going to add false modesty here, because I’ve worked really hard at it over the years, and I am, for probably the first time in my life, going to own my excellence. For all of those 35 years, I have known and will continue to know that everytime I step in front of an audience, they see me as a woman first, and their first thought, conscious or unconscious, is that I need to prove that I’m funny. It might just be for a second, they might not even register it, but they clock it on some level. And, these days they see that I am a woman in her 50’s, which is a whole other track full of hurdles to clear before I can be accepted as funny. Yes, it’s better than it used to be, but it's still there. In the court of comedy, I am unfunny until proven hilarious.
The next thing they will clock is how I look. Am I pretty enough? Am I overweight? How’s my makeup? Does my haircut fit my face? How do I look in my pants? Yes it’s better than it used to be, but it’s still there.
And this is obviously not unique to comedy. This scenario can be universally translated to any vocation, profession or day to day existence. We’re used to it. We plan for it. We curate our daily dressing habits for it. We equivocate our contributions to almost everything with apologies and disclaimers (to whit, reference above parenthetical disclaimers). Most of the time I don’t even think about it because it’s so ingrained into my every day. It’s just standard operating procedure. This is not a “poor me” plug, I honestly don’t think about it because it is so normal.
It does however dull those facets I mentioned earlier. The performative measures we take to be the women the world is ready for right now, only allows glimpses at those facets. Perhaps because unleashing all of them at once is a light too bright to take in. So we only show the ones we’re told to. Which often leads us to believe that those are the only ones we possess. So we shrink our dreams, diminish our accomplishments, and never feel like we are enough. And there are voices out there, loud ones, foolish ones, that want to keep us feeling that way.
But, oh my god, when I look at the women who fill my life, the world is lit in a miraculous way.
- When I see what they carry and how they carry it, I see a bravery that is as unparalleled as it is unheralded.
- When I see what they create, I understand the intricacies of what it is to be human better than I did the day before.
- When I hear what they think, neurons fire and new worlds appear.
- When I witness what they manage, awe takes on a new meaning.
- When I see what they have endured and overcome, I see a strength that cannot be denied.
- When I see them fight, I see solidity.
- When I see their hearts I see the world’s salvation.
To do what we have done with, as Captain Marvel says, “one hand tied behind our back,” oh imagine what we can do when all the facets see the light of day.
So this Thanksgiving, I give thanks for the women. All of them. Because we are enough, we are vital, and we are not going back.
