I See

When I look at myself, I see 

• Not consistent enough
• Not organized enough
• Didn’t make you do enough chores
• Didn’t turn off the TV enough
• Didn’t teach you enough social etiquette.
• Didn’t insist on you making your own lunch enough
• Didn’t clean the house enough
• Didn’t volunteer enough
• Wasn't strong enough
• Didn’t garden enough
• Didn’t make enough vegetables
• Didn’t garden enough vegetables
• Didn’t have enough expectations
• Didn’t hold the line enough
• Didn’t teach you enough
• Didn’t let you struggle enough
• Didn’t play enough games
• Didn’t teach you enough about money management
• Didn’t give you enough of anything or everything.

Only possible conclusion: I was not enough.

When I look at you, I see 

• When you recount with saturating accuracy the details of Overwatch or the trade intricacies of Runescape, I see focus fueled by curiosity.
• When you tell your father to eat less ice cream, I see concern.
• When you tell me to relax, I see that you see how hard I try to work.
• When you correct my form when I occasionally exercise, I see your expertise.
• When you fail and fall and fury, and still get off the mat again, I see resilience.
• When I hear you laugh, I see your individuality.
• When you put your dish in the dishwasher, I see consideration.
• When the time comes that it occurs to you to turn the dishwasher on, I will see god.
• When you bring the garbage cans back from the curb on trash day without being asked, I see independence.
• When you say to the cashier “Thanks, have a good one,” I see connection.
• When you tell your brother “sorry man, that sucks,” I see compassion.
• When you eat a fruit or vegetable, I see balance.
• When you separate, I see self-care.
• When you call with a question or problem, I see you see the strength in asking for help.
• When you help your grandmother move mulch, I see kindness.
• When you are outraged by injustices big and small, I see engagement.
• When you cry at the end of How to Train Your Dragon,” I see humanity.

Only possible conclusion: You are more than enough.

When your life was put in my hands, I knew I needed to give you everything, and that everything would never be enough, because love got redefined that day. Of course I would never be enough, because it takes you to fill in what’s next. In this grand, messy, uncertain, heartbreaking, heart-making, hilarious collaboration that is family, my only driving wish is that you can survive and thrive in the wild. I see that you will. Thank you for showing me love’s infinite capacity. Now, turn the dishwasher on.