Friday, May 9, 2014

What MY KIDs want for Mother's Day

Dear Boys,

Last year I wrote a letter to you telling you what I wanted for Mother's Day. It started this whole blog to which you have fallen victim. This year I thought I would ask you what you wanted in a mother. I was met with a combination of stony silence, rolling of the eyes and marked indifference on your way to the refrigerator.

So, I've decided to extrapolate(look it up) based on data accumulated over the last 16+ years resulting in highly skewed and biased outcomes. Here are the results:

Dear Mom,

What I want from my Mother on Mother's day and all other days:

1. Not to be asked what I want from my mother.

2. Love me for who I am, even when I'm being an asshole.

3. Stop asking me about my homework. I know it needs to get done. The more you ask me, the less likely I am to do it.

4. Please stop punctuating your texts.

5. I want you to like me best.

6. I want you to cook for me; partially because I am lazy, partially because I like your cooking, and partially because it makes me feel taken care of.

7. Do not ask me a question you know the answer to; makes me feel like an idiot.

8. Sometimes I just want you in the room. You don't have to do anything, I just want you there.

9. Sometimes you're the last person I want to see. Not because I don't love you, I just like to be alone sometimes too.

10. Enough with the life lessons already.

11. When I'm hurting leave me alone and take care of me at the same time.

12. Don't run out of bacon, ever.

13. I can take care of myself unless I can't, in which case I need you to know the difference.

14.  Read my mind at all times, but never assume you understand me.

15. Stop telling me what to do and how to do it, I need to figure it out for myself. And I know that, btw.

16. Stop leaving pertinent(look it up) magazine articles and books "of interest" casually lying around the house in hopes that this will be my turning point.

17. Stop telling me you "understand" what I'm going through.

18. Trust me.

19. Keep being a pain in my ass, because I do want a parent even if I don't know it yet.

20. Oh yeah, and buy that game I really want, make sure that shirt is clean for that really important thing I have to go to, come to all my games-but never cheer my name, get more Doritos, help me find my other sock, drive me to the Magic the Gathering tournament, watch this youtube video real quick, and if you're going to the kitchen can I have something to drink?


Teenagers 1 & 2

So boys, 

I'm pretty sure if you ever read this, you will roll your eyes, give me an icy stare and, on the way to the refrigerator, entertain, if only for a second, that I sometimes hear what you're saying when you do what you do. Not that that changes anything, but rest assured-message received.

Happy Mother's Day.

1 comment:

  1. Hahahaha - perfect! My boy would have written exactly the same thing. Sigh. Happy Mother's Day!!