Wednesday, June 3, 2015

19 Reasons Why It's All My Fault

Blame is so convenient. It eases any sense of guilt, obliterates the necessity for reparations and absolves all potential sins. Blame insinuates Fault; in fact the two are symbiotic. I consider myself a connoisseur of blame; both in casting it and accepting it. And since becoming a parent, well, let's just say I am the cleaner fish to Blame's Great White Shark. And, since becoming the parent of teenagers, well, there is nothing for which I am not to blame.

So here are the 19 reasons why it's all my fault.

1. I'm a mother

2. I know nothing

3. They know everything

4. I was raised Catholic

5. I do not read thoughts

6. I walked in the room

7. I should have known there would be traffic

8. They're 'just a kid'

9. I push them too hard

10. I don't push them enough

11. I got the wrong toothpaste

12. I should have known they were in a bad mood

13. I didn't sign the permission slip at the bottom of their backpack

14. I should have checked their pockets for pens before doing the laundry

15. I didn't wake them up a fifth time

16. Because the bacon is too crispy

17. Because the bacon is too chewy

18. Because Nike Elite socks aren't the thing anymore

19. Because I have a pulse and I'm not them

It is always someone else's fault because admitting fault is admitting fallibility and fallibility is not an option when you're a teenager. Not because they think they are infallible, it is because they know how fallible they are. And that, my friends, is a fragility most of us still cannot bear. So much feels wrong to them that the relief of placing rather than accepting blame is the very definition of a coping mechanism.

So, I am happy to accept the occasional irrational blame to ease the yuck that is teenager-dom as long as I don't get caught in the Catch 22 of absolving them of accepting responsibility and reconciling with their fallibility.

Ok, now my brain hurts. This is like parental calculus. Know what they sub-textually need and also know what they actually need regardless of popularity. It's like the SAT's all over, eliminate the obvious and then guess. There's always a 50/50 chance I could be right; and there's a 100% chance it will all be my fault.

1 comment:

  1. I laughed; I cried; I totally related!